24 yo 7/10 guy meets 24 yo 7/10 girl. They're objectively 99%ile in compatibility.
Woman thinks: I can go on dates with 100 8.5/10 guys in the next 6 months if I want. Won't I be able to seduce one of them into sticking around?
Man thinks: Every day I wait, I get richer and higher status. If I bide my time and re-enter the market in eight years, won't I have 100 8.5 girls eating out of my hands?
So they both pass. Women have variance/luck/volume on their side. Men have time on theirs. Each is tempted to play his advantage to get a better deal than he warrants.
"Tools, skills, and information" will only make this worse. People need to get less strategic, not more. In the past, many guys married the girl they knocked up while drunk. Girls would marry the local guy whose family her own got along with. These are perfectly good heuristics for a society to have.
They are precisely because it really doesn't matter. For most people, life with a 90% compatibility partner will be indistinguishable from life with a 99% compatibility partner. Most people are BORING LOSERS and will have boring loser lives literally no matter which partner they choose. Perpetually seeking the 99.99%ile partner who will save them from their boring loserdom is key troublemaker - no one wants to settle for someone in his own league, because doing so forecloses the option of being rescued from his mediocrity.
Hence, they just wait until their 30s, when their mediocrity is so totally obvious that the jig finally becomes up. Narcissism + puerile wishful thinking + options, not a lack of information.
Christian dating is an opportunity to explore relationship possibility and develop love. It is a divinely sanctified way of getting closer to someone and searching for the promise of a long-term relationship or marriage. Christians looking for a Christian relationship https://www.doulike.com/christian-dating.html endeavor to understand their partner on every level--spiritually, emotionally and physically. They recognize the importance of accountability, honesty, respect and communication as essential components in creating loving relationships.
Isabel, this was an incredible article. As a college student right now, my friends and I constantly talk about the same things - do people meet in person anymore? It's hard to sometimes even find a damn smile or make eye contact. One of my friends is incredible at going up to people (and girls). No hesitation. Yet the interesting thing is that almost all of the girls he's gone up to for their numbers have NOT gone on dates with him. He's gone on more dates with people from social media, yet the pool of people he's interacted with there is much smaller! Why do you think this is? A girl (or guys especially) should be flattered when a member of the opposite sex approaches them, yet maybe they hold onto an ideal, or it's like the attention-inflation idea you talked about. Crazy world! I think frequently about the world before phones.
"what's the minimum viable way i can indicate interest in this person?" lol. Idk if you intentionally chose minimum viable in relation to human interaction. But imo, shelter in place (SIP) killed a good portion of social/interaction skills in most people (WAS a victim of this but overcame - have gf now via hinge..lol). As far modern dating, its just become anxiety-ridden due to expectations and dating apps.
To overcome this, as humans, we should revert back to talking with consideration of no expectations.
Pro tip. I let go off all expectations and just went with the flow. And to add lastly, people also have different personalities behind the screen as compared to IRL (should really stop saying this and just say in person). But Interesting read.
24 yo 7/10 guy meets 24 yo 7/10 girl. They're objectively 99%ile in compatibility.
Woman thinks: I can go on dates with 100 8.5/10 guys in the next 6 months if I want. Won't I be able to seduce one of them into sticking around?
Man thinks: Every day I wait, I get richer and higher status. If I bide my time and re-enter the market in eight years, won't I have 100 8.5 girls eating out of my hands?
So they both pass. Women have variance/luck/volume on their side. Men have time on theirs. Each is tempted to play his advantage to get a better deal than he warrants.
"Tools, skills, and information" will only make this worse. People need to get less strategic, not more. In the past, many guys married the girl they knocked up while drunk. Girls would marry the local guy whose family her own got along with. These are perfectly good heuristics for a society to have.
They are precisely because it really doesn't matter. For most people, life with a 90% compatibility partner will be indistinguishable from life with a 99% compatibility partner. Most people are BORING LOSERS and will have boring loser lives literally no matter which partner they choose. Perpetually seeking the 99.99%ile partner who will save them from their boring loserdom is key troublemaker - no one wants to settle for someone in his own league, because doing so forecloses the option of being rescued from his mediocrity.
Hence, they just wait until their 30s, when their mediocrity is so totally obvious that the jig finally becomes up. Narcissism + puerile wishful thinking + options, not a lack of information.
phones + airpods = excuse for lack of confidence
Phew. Another reason I'm happy I dated in the 90s.
I can't believe we've been existing in this age for so, long and this is the first time an article's been bang on. Awaiting the next bits!
ultimate struggle of maturity: trading potential for something tangible, dating is the perfect illustration
Christian dating is an opportunity to explore relationship possibility and develop love. It is a divinely sanctified way of getting closer to someone and searching for the promise of a long-term relationship or marriage. Christians looking for a Christian relationship https://www.doulike.com/christian-dating.html endeavor to understand their partner on every level--spiritually, emotionally and physically. They recognize the importance of accountability, honesty, respect and communication as essential components in creating loving relationships.
Isabel, this was an incredible article. As a college student right now, my friends and I constantly talk about the same things - do people meet in person anymore? It's hard to sometimes even find a damn smile or make eye contact. One of my friends is incredible at going up to people (and girls). No hesitation. Yet the interesting thing is that almost all of the girls he's gone up to for their numbers have NOT gone on dates with him. He's gone on more dates with people from social media, yet the pool of people he's interacted with there is much smaller! Why do you think this is? A girl (or guys especially) should be flattered when a member of the opposite sex approaches them, yet maybe they hold onto an ideal, or it's like the attention-inflation idea you talked about. Crazy world! I think frequently about the world before phones.
So true! Really brilliant breakdown of a topic that is purposely not broken down by its participants in fear of being rejected :)
"what's the minimum viable way i can indicate interest in this person?" lol. Idk if you intentionally chose minimum viable in relation to human interaction. But imo, shelter in place (SIP) killed a good portion of social/interaction skills in most people (WAS a victim of this but overcame - have gf now via hinge..lol). As far modern dating, its just become anxiety-ridden due to expectations and dating apps.
To overcome this, as humans, we should revert back to talking with consideration of no expectations.
Pro tip. I let go off all expectations and just went with the flow. And to add lastly, people also have different personalities behind the screen as compared to IRL (should really stop saying this and just say in person). But Interesting read.